


A Hero Thou Hadst Been

by Ofwordsandroses



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, i just want my boys to be happy, janus comforts roman, negative language, the resolution we need after the last episode, weird using deceits name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23987401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ofwordsandroses/pseuds/Ofwordsandroses
Summary: Roman sinks out of the video hurt confused and panicked with the horrible thought that he's now the villain.Janus comes to show him that is not the case.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 18
Kudos: 121





	A Hero Thou Hadst Been

_We love you_

Roman scoffed bitterly as he sank out.

_We love you_

The words rang hollow and did nothing to calm the tempest of thoughts that swirled around his mind. He just doesn’t understand, he thinks angrily, sliding down the wall of his room to sit on the floor. Time and time again he had been fooled by Janus, to narcissistic, too desperate, too dumb to see his real intentions and time and time again he had been belittled for falling for the snakes’ tricks. And then this time, this time, he thinks he’s finally got it right. This time he’s Thomas’ hero saving him from the selfish liar only for himself to be named the villain. He was confused by everyone’s reactions but most of all he was hurt.

Hurt because he was no longer Thomas’ hero and that was the most painful fall from grace of them all.

Because Roman is meant to be brave and honourable and chivalrous, he fights for Thomas’ dreams but has to try his best not to cause conflict with the others, he was literally the embodiment of Thomas’ ego but had to go through every day knowing that everyone saw him as lesser. And for once he thought he had finally done the right thing, he had thrown away his life’s ambition, his very purpose, away and just like Janus had said it had been a mistake. It seemed Roman couldn’t do anything right these days. He really must be the villain. Just look at how he treated Janus.

Roman let out a choked sob as he felt something inside of him crumble.

_We love you_

“When is it enough?” Roman had shouted desperately at the others

When is selfishness enough? He had asked while his real question went unsaid.

When was _he_ enough?

When is Roman enough because he’s the ego and he’s self-centred and _selfish_ and he wants to know when he crossed the line and started becoming ‘too much’ because they love him but they only love him when he’s agreeable, only loved him when he knew his place-

“Roman? Can we talk?” Patton’s voice reached his ears muffled by the door.

Could they talk? Could they talk without Roman feeling that wave of inadequacy pulse through him or even worse the anger he felt towards Patton for throwing away his biggest dream to appease him.

It wouldn’t be fair to either of them if he opened that door now.

He ignores it.

“Kiddo I just want to talk” Patton says so sweetly and understanding that Roman felt something in him crack a bit more about feeling so mad at someone who only tries to help him. He really was horrible.

“Kiddo?”

“I’m not your kiddo” Roman shouts back eyes burning as he launches a pillow at his door as hard as he could.

Is it immature? Yes

Does he feel satisfaction over hearing the dull thud as the pillow drops to the ground? Also yes

Patton doesn’t speak again which Roman is glad for. His presence just reminds him of everything he has lost. His whole room does actually and before Roman even comprehends what he’s doing he’s striding over to his wall covered in playbills and tickets and posters and begins ripping them down one by one. Tearing his dreams of Broadway to pieces one playbill at a time.

He was a king without a crown. A villain. A shadow of a dream. Worthless.

That’s where Janus finds him, sat in the middle of a wreck of his own making. The familiarity of that phrase stings more than he’d like to admit.

“Still lying to yourself?” Janus says softly, his usual drawl nowhere in his voice

“Get out” Roman whispers not looking up at him

“Roman-

“Get out!” he yells and cringes when he sees Janus flinch back.

“I don’t think I will” Janus says his voice steely as he walks closer “because there’s something you need to hear”

“And how can I trust you?” Roman questions bitterly and ignores the unspoken words that hang between them.

Please give me a reason to trust you.

“How can I trust you when all you’ve done is _lie_ to me and use me and make fun of me because I’m dumb and desperate and never good enough and worthless--

Roman can’t even speak through his ragged breathing now and stifles the sob that wants to tear through his throat. Because it’s scary seeing how far he’s fallen but it’s even worse knowing that Janus is the one here to see his ruination. Janus, the one person who can see through Roman’s lies, his pretence. Janus who suddenly wasn’t a villain anymore, because Roman had been tossed aside and used and ignored but hey they were all just fine now. Janus has been accepted, Thomas is a good person, Patton’s gotten over his issues and Roman still has nothing.

In fact he has less than nothing because he’s lost the one chance he’ll ever have to make something of himself.

He’s so caught up in his thoughts, trying desperately to keep his tears at bay swallowing around the lump in his throat that he doesn’t notice Janus sitting down next to him. But he does notice when Janus’ hands come to hold Romans own. Janus’ hands that are warm, his gloves suspiciously absent and more comforting than Roman would like to admit.

“I’m sorry Roman” Janus says and Roman jolts back in surprise “I’m sorry for how I treated you, I was cruel and callous and you’re a lot smarter than people give you credit for”

Roman looks to Janus then hating the traitorous hope that builds in him but Janus’ burning amber eyes look so earnest and Roman wants to believe him _so much_

“I’m not asking for forgiveness Roman but I am asking you to believe me when I say this” Janus paused and tightened his hold on Romans hands in a comforting squeeze

“You _matter_ Roman”

Roman breaks, fat tears are rolling down his face and he’s sure he looks absolutely disgusting but then Janus is pulling him into a crushing comforting hug and begins to speak over his muffled sobs.

“Even heroes get things wrong sometimes Roman but the real heroes learn from their mistakes and carry on. I can’t get you that call-back” Janus says quietly carding his hand through his hair “I can’t push applicants down stairs until they rehold auditions but I can apologise to you, I can be _here_ for you and I can tell you that you matter Roman”

_You matter, you matter, you matter_

Pretty venom or earnest truth, Roman didn’t know anymore but he clung onto Janus like a life line. Janus might be telling him lies again but being held in his arms and feeling safer than he had in months Roman thinks it might be okay to believe Janus, one more time.

“You’re our hero, Roman”

_A hero._

He smiles when he feels the words ring true.

**Author's Note:**

> whoO, I felt far too sad over the thought of my boys hating each other and just had to write some hurt/comfort, it's angsty but I hope you enjoyed reading, let me know what you think!  
> you can find me on tumblr under the same url


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